I have never believed in luck. I’ve worked for everything I’ve ever had. I’ve busted my ass and poured blood sweat and a few tears into anything I’ve ever done. It kills me when people say “You’re so lucky!” or my moms personal favourite “Brittney, use the horsehoe up your ass…” to which I have only 2 questions.
1. How did a horseshoe get up my ass in the first place? Seriously, either my mom put it there at birth, or somewhere during my youth I slipped and fell and it squeezed itself up there - in both cases, OUCH?
2. Has it ever been proven that horseshoes are lucky? Honestly? Horses LOSE shoes. I don’t see that as particularly lucky frankly.
Seeing as its FRIDAY THE 13TH, I thought I would share one of my favourite tunes. Stevie Ray Vaughan’s version of “Superstitious.”
Enjoy the day and try not to step on any cracks remember!
Today, I realized something. I never used to believe in the big Secret of the Law of Attraction but lately it seems to be eerily true. Things have happened, good and bad and the more I examine them and try to compare the clearer and clearer it becomes.
It is great. I`m finally making headway. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Its only a matter of time.
Change of jobs, change of lifestyle, change of scenery, change of circle of friends… it seems like all I can do is transition and transition again. It’s been great on one hand. I’ve met wonderful people and witnessed amazing things but on a whole I’m nervous.
I’m nervous because this crowd is totally different from any group of people I’ve ever hung with. I never felt cool enough, or accepted enough to even TRY and be friends with people like this way back in the day when Highschool was the biggest pain in my ass. Things seem ok for now. Lets ride this out.
Today, as I sipped on Second Cup brand Vanilla Bean Tea, I popped in this lovely gem for a light listen. The sun was shining (in between the threat of rain) and it was a quiet afternoon. Before I knew it, I was lifted off into a sphere of creativity and absolute bliss.
Wait. Hold up one second. Perhaps, before I start rambling about how incredible this short soundtrack is, I should maybe explain the concept behind the product.
The Beatnicks is a movie about a struggling duo of talent. Nick Nero - the starving poet and Nick Beat - the musician. By a stroke of luck, or what some might call Nick Beats uncanny ability to get himself into trouble, they come across a box. This isn’t some regular carboard variety box either, it’s a box with untold powers of greatness. I have yet to actually see the film myself but this will change as soon as payday hits! I did however, manage to finagle myself a copy of the soundtrack thanks to Garen Topalian and the rest of the Beatnicks crew on FB.
Let me first say this - I have almost never really enjoyed solely instrumental albums. I find them hard to listen to unless you’re in the right mood and they almost always get boring after a time. This time however, I have found that The Beatnicks Soundtrack is extremely well done and put together in such a manner that the next track is never the same as the last.
For example Neros Theme, the second track on the album, is a traditionally jazzy number with emphasis on the bass lines, the high hats and the soft handed snare. Guitar stylings reminiscent of 1950’s jazz clubs paired with an overall medium pace set a vivid picture of one of the main characters of the film.
Yet, when you all of a sudden realize you’ve slipped into the next track - I Dig - you’re taken aback at the smooth transition from jazz to a primarily acoustic tribute with a subtle middle eastern flare.
Each track of the album are distinctly different, and yet their production, mastering and studio brilliancy gives them a flow so incredibly sleek that you’ve already made it three quarters of the way through the album before you even realize it. Zander Schloss (of The Circle Jerks and other various yet interesting musical venues) did a fantastic job of incorporating all the elements as a whole.
Several tracks that are noteworthy are I Am It (a quirky upbeat number that showcases the incredible talents of The Box itself.), Looking For A Gig (a violin playing sweetly over what sounds similar, if not the same as Nero`s Theme), Hindu or Hindon’t (a mellow number for which I strongly believe was designed solely for meditation purposes only ♥) In fact, most if not all the tracks on the album are quite interesting to listen to and enjoyable. I found myself swaying and nodding to the beat of every track.
Of my particular favourites happens to be the end track, The End of The World. The light, airy sound of a ukelele partnered with a cheery whistle pulls the whole thing together. If you close your eyes, you can feel the sand against your toes and hear the surf behind the melodies. All in all, a very relaxing treat.
What really struck me was how fulfilling an album it was, being that its total length is only 21:00 minutes long (according to iTunes anyways). I was sad to hear it loop over and begin again because I wanted to hear more. I love it when you get an album that you have to listen to from start to finish because it tells you the most incredible story. That is what The Beatnicks Soundtrack felt like to me. It is an amazing blend of styles, themes and sounds that just elevate you to a higher level of listening. Five Stars!
It sucks hardcore ass when you really dig someone, but can’t tell if they dig you back or not.
There is one guy at the open jam I do every Sunday who comes, plays my favourite music and sings to all the songs I play. We get on well, talk about guitars, music and shit in general but apparently he (and his band) don’t do girlfriends. Depressing.
Tonight, my friend D mentioned that he sang to me a few times - I find it hard to believe as it was a bar ful of people, and before I left, I went to say goodbye and as I hugged him, his hand slipped to my waist. I don’t know what this means, all I know is that he’s pretty to look at, and sings wicked reggae. Damn men and mixed signals.
Have you ever woken up and before you’re feet even hit the floor you feel like total emotional garbage?
For the last little while I think I’ve been fooling myself into believe that I am finally over The Asshole. For those of you who don’t know the full story, here it is.
I fell in love with a longtime friend. We’d been friends for years and finally made the next move to a relationship. I was 19, he was 23. The first six months were great, he treated me well enough, he had a job, things were fine. Until mid July when I wound up pregnant.
Before I go on, I want EVERYONE to know that what happened next was the most traumatizing things I’ve ever done. I will never do it ever again, and I wish it not on my worst enemy. To this day I still feel the pain of what transpired.
If you hadn’t already guessed, then I will tell you. I had an abortion.
Not because I thought it was my right as a woman, not because I felt it was right for the situation. I did it because he swore up and down that he would leave me if I kept it. I went through an unspeakable trauma because the love of my life said he would leave me if I kept it. And if I kept it, he wanted DNA paternity tests to prove it was his. We’d only been together SIX months.
After that, we moved in together, and he quit his job. While I supported us on minimum wage he started partaking of drugs and alcohol at a dollar figure of approximately 120$ a week. Then the interrogations began. Where was I? I took 10 minutes longer to get through the door than I should have, I must have been out driving around in HIS car. I’d go to the bar with my friend who was his best friends girlfriend and god forbid I ask for money. I got what I got. God forbid I ask to take the car to visit my parents. Slowly but surely, over the course of the next year he drew me further and further away from my family, my friends, and things that were important to me. I hocked many items of personal worth because we needed money for support his drug habit and keep gas in HIS car. Everything came to a head in November when we’d moved home to our respective parents. I went to visit him, and caught him fucking another girl - in his stepdads house, where even I was not allowed in during daylight hours.
Long story short because I’ve already dragged this on way to fucking far, he screwed me in the most royal way possible. I gave up my home to move into a shit ass apartment for him (I still live here, and its less shit ass), I spent Christmas ALONE because my mother and I weren’t speaking and I was to embarassed to call her when he broke up with me 2 days prior.
Basically what I’m trying to say, I don’t know what the fuck I’m trying to say. I feel gutted. I feel skeletal. I wake up every day and wonder “why for? what am I going to have to endure today?”
I feel good because I’ve paid my rent in full and on time every months for the first time in years. I have food in my fridge, no more car thanks to The Asshole, but I can afford a bus pass. Financially I feel great.
It’s the emotional part of me that feels like it’s been stripmined. He was the first person I ever said “I love you” to. There are times when I wish he would call just so that I could talk to him. I still love him, even though I know he abused my kindness, my generosity, my love for him, and my emotional well being. I watch people like my sister, and my friend Mira, the kinds of people who are agble to make friends with anyone, talk to guys without a second thought, have no issues meeting people and I feel so inadequate.
I don’t know the first thing about talking to a guy I like. I don’t know the first thing about dating. I happened across The Asshole. It was an ACCIDENT that we were together in the first place. The last month or so, I’ve felt so strange. Like I can’t figure out which way is up or down. Sometimes, I feel fantastic like I have everything in order as if things are on the up. Then comes the times when I could be sitting in a crowded room full of people I am “friends” with listening to my housemates band, and feel like I have no business being around these people. I can’t figure it out. Maybe its another set of growing pains. Growing into an adult. Growing back into my own person. Rediscovering what life means to me. If thats true, this fucking sucks.
I am so fucked in the head. God, please sort me out and soon.
